i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
Randomize
