the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
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