literally had 100 drinks last night.
I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
Randomize
