I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize
