Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize
