omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
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