Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
Randomize
