Everything about him screamed your future.
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
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