i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
Randomize
