My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
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