My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
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