She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
