you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
Randomize
