Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
Randomize
