either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
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