i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
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