I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
Randomize
