woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
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