I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
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