Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
Randomize
