Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
Randomize
