suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
Randomize
