I can tuck mytits in my pants
My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
Randomize
