I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
Randomize
