I want to walk on stilts...naked
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
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