my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
Randomize
