im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
Randomize
