My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
smell my finger.
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
Randomize
