I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
Randomize
