I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
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