I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Randomize
