You're my little dorito
I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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