I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
Randomize
