Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
they call him Oral-B. enough said
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
Randomize
