i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
Randomize
