I thought you said his peep was too small
it is but i have no money and nothing is on tv until 7 when americas next top model comes on.
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
We had to coat check the pizza.
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
Randomize
