I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
Randomize
