Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
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