But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
Randomize
