please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
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