Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
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