Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
Randomize
