i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
Randomize
