We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
Randomize
