dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
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