It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
Randomize
