quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
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