guys are not supposed to queef...right?
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize
