i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
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