weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
Randomize
