honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
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