When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
Randomize
